The glorious Morning
Star calls you and I to also be shining stars in the midst
of a crooked and depraved generation (Php 2:15). There
are many stars, but not all of them really shine. In the same way, there are a lot of good leaders, but few
who are excellent and continue that way over the long term.
A truly great leader
demonstrates his or her greatness in his or her ability
to live out the Great Commandment to love the Lord your
God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself (Mt 22:36-40). In other words, this person is fantastic
in relationships, even with themselves, and has an internal
harmony that reflects his or her external relations.
The Great Commission’s call to make disciples (Mt 28:18-20) can also only be understood as deeply relational,
if we define discipleship the way Jesus did, as a committed
and personal relationship.
Seven relationships
are foundational to our ability to make progress from being
good to being excellent. Nobody
will be a leader that truly shines if they don’t excel
in each of the following relationships:
1. with Jesus
Christ
2. with themselves
3. with their
families
4. with a
pastoral group
5. with a
team (for a pastor, this would be their pastoral team)
6. with a
pastoral leader, discipler, or mentor
7. with intimate
friends
These seven relationships
can be visualized in the shape of a star. The star’s
center is Jesus Christ and nothing can
take his place. Only by abiding in Him can we shine. The true son can do nothing by himself (Jn 5:19).
This applies to us and not just to Jesus. He clarifies
this when he says that without him, we can do nothing, that
we cannot give fruit unless we remain in him (Jn 15:4, 5). The priority of our relationship with God is clearly stated
in the Great Commandment and in the call to seek first his
Kingdom and his righteousness, knowing that everything else
will be added to us as well (Mt 6:33).
Secondly, a leader
that shines relates well to themselves.
They like themselves without being proud. They take
Paul’s warning to Timothy seriously “Watch
your life… closely” (1Ti 4:16).
They take care of their physical, emotional, and spiritual
health. They understand themselves. They know
their calling; their gifts and strong points; and their
vulnerabilities and weaknesses. They commit themselves
to grow, to sharpen themselves, and not to get complacent,
while at the same time it is clearly God’s grace working
in them that makes the difference and not just their own
effort (1Co 15:10).
A
third priority, after God and taking care of oneself, is
to have a family that shines, where the
love between Christ and the Church is revealed in the love
between a husband and wife. Reflecting God’s
Kingdom and enjoying its fruits at home is foundational
to the life and ministry of any pastoral leader (1 Ti 3:2,
4-5, 10; 5:8). A family is like a lighthouse that
cannot be hidden; its health and joy (or lack thereof) is
evident. If a leader’s family is not well it
raises serious questions as to his or her integrity and
the validity of his or her ministry. When we shine
in this area, people are attracted to our marriage and family,
seeing them as an example in a world that is in desperate
need of healthy models.
A
leader that shines also needs a pastoral group that loves, accepts, and nurtures them; that helps them
stay accountable and walks with them day by day, encouraging,
strengthening, and, when needed, confronting them in love. This group fulfills the words of Paul when he tells the
presbyters of Ephesus “Keep watch over yourselves...”
(Acts 20:28). This group will work best if it
is kept small, 3-4 people, so that everyone really knows
each other well, feels comfortable opening their hearts,
and takes care of each other, including preventive measures
that protect one another from the major traps of the Devil,
the world and the flesh.
In fifth place, we
all have a calling and need a team to bring
it to fulfillment. No one can go far alone.
We need partners with the same calling that can provoke,
stimulate, and complement us; allies that support us during
the times when discouragement takes over and that protect
us from our weaknesses. One great secret to success
as a leader is to have a co-leader, a successor, a shield
bearer that accompanies us, and is our right arm. A team like this can truly extend the Kingdom of God to
others.
A
leader that shines has a mentor that cares
about them. A mentor or pastoral leader provides an
environment of love and acceptance in which we can take
risks. This allows us to grow and change as the mentor
dreams with us, challenges us and enables us to move from
our every day “ordinary” to levels we thought
to be impossibly extraordinary. A mentor believes
deeply in us and has special grace to minister in our lives. Encounters with this person are frequently divine moments
where God reveals His power, wisdom or presence in a special
way.
Lastly, an excellent
leader has intimate friends, opening up
relationships not based on performance. These friends
help us recognize and experience that life is more than
work or ministry; they keep us sane, calling us to enjoy
life, rest and set aside time for renewal. Friends
are people with whom we can open up, at the same time that
they have a special freedom to correct and confront us in
love, especially when we are sliding into workaholism or
other unhealthy attitudes. Ideally, we will have several
close same-sex friends and, if married, a couple with whom
we and our spouse are special friends. We are privileged
with extraordinary depth and balance if we also have a good
friend of the opposite sex (other than our spouse) and a
good non-Christian friend. These friends help us remember
that being human is simple and good and we need to remember
and enjoy that.
In how many
of these seven relationships are you doing well?
Surveys show that the area in which pastors and leaders
feel the greatest need is their relationship with God.
Leaders also often experience weakness in their families,
and many times the other five points of the star don’t
even exist! Investing in these areas will pay off
much more than we can imagine. If some point of the
star doesn’t exist in our lives, we need to go after
it! We can not allow ourselves to become complacent,
satisfied with just being good.
If any of these relationships
are not going well for us, it is usually because we do not
seriously invest in them. The Bible says if we ask,
it will be given to us, if we seek, then we will find, if
we knock, then the door will be opened to us (Mt 7:7). If we do not give up, if we really are serious in our search,
God will reveal how to fill the gaps in being a leader that
shines.
Reflection questions
(ideally to be shared with a small group):
1. On a scale
of 0 to 10, what grade would you give yourself in each of
the relationships?
2. In which
of the seven areas would you most like to grow? What
would be some first steps?
3. No one can
excel in their field or specialization without dedication
and discipline (see Pr 1:2, 3, 7). What do you need
to change in your lifestyle if you really want to shine
relationally?
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