One simple and flexible structure for mentoring and providing for the needs of pastors and leaders is a mentoring trio.  Each time they meet, each participant takes on one of three roles: a) the mentee, b) the mentor or c) the observer.  Let’s look at each role with more detail:

The role of the mentor.  In the model presented here, the mentor’s main task is to ask good questions.  This is based on the conviction that the mentee needs to reach his or her own conclusions for there to be true change in his or her life.  The mentor is NOT the answer person.  He or she does not even need to have an answer in mind.  Instead, he or she should ask good questions to help the mentee, with the aid of the Holy Spirit that is within them, to find the direction they are lacking.  The mentor uses a paradigm of four steps (GROW), asking questions in each of these areas:

1. Goals (What the mentee desire to change in his or her life.)
2. Reality (What is the person’s reality: what impedes change and what contributes to it.)
3. Options (Generally a person can see few or no options, while there are usually a half dozen.  Seek to help him or her to list these options, starting out with a time of brainstorming where everything is valid.)
4. Work Plan (Prioritize the best option and move toward it through planning concrete steps to be carried out and a way of being accountable in doing so.)

The role of the observer is to write down their observations while the mentoring is happening, and help the mentor in evaluating the process later.  Normally the observer does not participate actively in the mentoring process.  He or she may intervene on occasion, but not to the extent that causes a role switch.  The interventions, when necessary, should be quick, so that he or she can go back to just observing.  This person should:

• Write down observations about a) goals, b) reality, c) options, and d) work plan.
• Signal when there are 10 minutes left and again when there are 2 left, to help the mentor know when the allotted time of 45-50 minutes is ending.
• Facilitate a 10 minute evaluation period, seeking first the opinion of the mentor and then of the mentee:
• Ask the mentor to give a grade on a scale of 0 to 10 to him or herself and to briefly explain their grade.
• Ask the mentee to give a grade for the extent to which they felt that what they hoped to accomplish occurred and also to give a grade to the mentor, with a brief explanation of each grade. 
• As the observer, give a grade to the mentor, commenting on three or four things that they did well (without repeating something already said) and only one or two in which they need to grow

Training in this Model

One well-tested way of teaching this model, is for the instructor to do a demonstration with the help of two other people.  The people who are watching should take notes and write down observations about each step of GROW, focusing both on what is especially good and where they see problems or have questions.  At the end of the demonstration the observer will help the other two evaluate their experience.  All three (during this training phase) should take notes about the comments made during the last ten minutes.  Afterwards, there will be a period in which the whole group can make observations, focusing especially on general principles to be followed during the first step, the definition of a goal.

Once the model is well understood, the trios will have their own opportunity to try it out, with each person getting a chance to be mentor, mentee, and observer in turn.  Following is a list of basic questions that can be helpful for each step. 

Basic Questions for Each Step

Goal: What is the area or relationship you most wish to change? (about 10 minutes, including an initial prayer for the mentor)

Reality: What is the present situation?  How did this problem come about, and what is keeping it from being resolved? (about 10 minutes)

Options: What are some options for solving this problem?  ...what is another option? (brainstorming; about 15 minutes)

Work plan: (about 10 minutes plus 5 minutes for final prayer by both mentor and mentee)

1) Which option or options do you prefer?

2) What are some concrete steps needed to make this option reality? 

3) Would it help if we wrote down dates by which to complete each step?

4) Who could support you in acting out this plan?  Who could you be accountable to?

To see Further Questions for Each Step click here. 

Guidelines or Suggestions for Each of These Four Areas

A. Goal

1. Review.  Repeat what you understood the other person to be saying until he or she says you really understood.
2. Be objective.  Help the mentee be as specific and concrete as possible, leading him or her to indicate their preference if more than one goal is mentioned.
3. Responsibility.  The mentee needs to take responsibility for his or her own life, having a personal goal, not a goa for change in others. 
4. The goal can be modified once you understand the person’s reality better.
5. Written goals: the mentor, the mentee, and the observer should write down the same goal so that it is clear.
6. If the goal is too large/broad, ask what some components of this goal might be, and help the person choose one of them as their goal for this session.
7. Preparatory tasks might help. 
8. The emphasis of the mentoring process is the present; ministries that deal with life restoration are more prepared to deal with the past.

B. Reality

1. Keep the focus.  Don’t ask about the person’s reality until you have some idea of a possible goal.  Don’t dive into the past.  In this model, the focus has to be the present.  There are other ways of working with the past. 
2. Identification.  Comment, and illustrate, briefly how you identify with the person’s struggle. 

C. Options

1. Have a brainstorming period in which everything is valid.  Don’t evaluate the ideas right away.
2. Written Options: one excellent way of listing good options in a short period of time is for the mentee, the mentor (and even the observer) to brainstorm for 2-3 minutes in silence, each one writing down options, and then share. 
3. Enumerating options: help the mentee share first and everyone write down what is mentioned in a numbered list.  Then the mentor can add his or her options,  continuing the numbered list.  This way everyone can follow along on their own list when there is some change or comment related to one of the options.
4. Produce hope: if the person arrives depressed or with a sense of being the victim, they need to gain a sense of power, of confidence that they themselves can change their lives.  If the options don’t produce hope, there is the possibility of moving into a mini-prayer ministration time, starting out with the mentor opening his heart to Jesus. 

D. Workplan

1. Answer the four key questions listed above under Workplan.
2. It helps a lot if the mentee has a pastoral group that can walk with him or her through the changes.
3. If time runs out, the mentor can ask the mentee to reflect on the options within the next 24 hours, and then provide the mentor with a work plan and the name of a person to whom the mentee can be accountable.