Mentoring
or pastoring happens informally all the time. Here
we want to concentrate on formal mentoring with scheduled
meetings.
There
is a certain debate as to whether the mentor or the mentee
should take the initiative in beginning a mentoring relationship.
In some ways it is similar to the relationship between a
man and a woman who eventually fall in love. Who takes
the first step is not so important as the growing affinity
and resonance between them, a mutual joy and a sense of
grace flowing through the relationship. Mentees will
commonly take the initiative because they are the ones who
feel the need and receive the greatest benefit. This
also shows the mentor their seriousness and that his/her
time will be well invested.
Once
the relationship begins, the initiative for it to
continue depends on the mentee. The mentor
normally has a much fuller schedule and should not feel
responsible to maintain the relationship or “carry”
the mentee. The mentee is privileged to have time
with the mentor. He/she should make sure that meetings
are scheduled and prepare for them by doing the agreed upon
tasks or assignments.
The
pastor should stimulate a mentoring (discipling) movement
in his church, teaching, demonstrating, and even training
people as mentors and disciplers. The pastor can only
mentor a few people, but a mentoring movement can provoke
and enable all the leaders to have mentors, thus significantly
advancing the Kingdom of God. This includes secular
leaders, whose leadership positions lie outside the church.
The
pastor normally can intimately and individually mentor only
a few people, maybe up to four or five. The mentoring
relationship will flow better if these people are also with
him in a small group or team context. That way the
relationship isn’t limited to the individual meetings
every six to eight weeks. The individual meetings
can be more frequent if the mentee is going through a crises
or difficult period.
Let’s
look more carefully at some details related to beginning
a mentoring relationship:
