Book by David Kornfield, Ed. Vida, Brazil, 2005
Pastor, who helps care for your marriage? Who can your spouse talk to when your communication breaks down? How do you overcome conflicts? Who do you turn to in crises? How can your marriage go from good to wonderful, so that it deeply satisfies you, reveals God’s purposes, and greatly glorifies Him?
No one has a marriage that shines without the aid of trustworthy brothers and sisters, or without investing time and energy into it. This book offers the beginning of an adventure of walking together with other couples in what we call “mentoring groups for couples”. Your life and marriage will change forever if you and your spouse choose to walk faithfully with three or four other couples, opening your heart, growing individually and collectively, discovering how to better understand each other, communicating, and resolving conflicts between husbands and wives. This form of mentoring allows you to gain a new vision of God’s purposes for your marriage. Spouses become more united than ever, while discovering they have others allies as well: companions to understand, support, challenge, and encourage them.
Today two models of couples ministries dominate the Brazilian evangelical church: the weekend couples retreat and a trimester-long course for couples like Marriage Ministries International. Both models are wonderful, and a combination of them is better yet. At the same time, both face a few problems. Neither of the programs includes follow-up for someone that wants to grow further after the initial experience. The only way continued growth occurs is if someone joins the ministry team desiring to pass the experience on to other couples. Also, while both have good teaching and work, at least to some extent, with small groups, there is no mentoring or accompaniment beyond basic teaching by a more mature couple.
This book offers three foundations for deeper and longer-lasting couples ministry: mentoring, a model of transparency, and the first of four semesters of modules that continue to deepen marriages. Each module functions independently of the others, permitting couples to join and leave groups at the beginning of each semester. Each chapter begins with the author sharing stories from his own marriage on the topic of the chapter. This helps the couples in the group to be able to share openly about the areas in which they need to grow. The book is more relationship-oriented than content or teaching-oriented. Thus, it introduces tools to aid communication, and mutual understanding and growth.
The module introduced in this book begins with a one-day retreat in which couples can better understand the purposes of God for marriage and have a good time of fellowship together. The first part of the book focuses on sharing our stories as a means of getting to know each other. The second part talks in detail about seven keys to making your union a partnership, not just a functional marriage. Through an acrostic of the word “chalice,” it describes seven qualities that are foundational for a marriage.
Continuous Romancing
Healthy Boundaries
Attentive Listening
Love that Values the Other
Interdependence
Celebrating Differences
Effective Support
For each of these seven areas, the author suggests a tool that can help you evaluate or strengthen that area. Each chapter ends with an optional reading that allows you to go deeper into the topic. At the end of the book, each couple is led to decide on a conjugal project through which to make real or deepen the qualities described by the “chalice” acronym.
You can return to the initial page about renewal and training events, or find out about another renewal event: Restoring Lives, Equipping Restorers Conference.
