Marriages and Families
Small Group Marriage Mentors (Facilitators)
The group mentor or facilitator helps each member of the group to participate freely, so that each one can reach his goals for being there.
The normal rhythm of a group meeting can be:
- Begin with prayer
- A quick summary of topics or assignments left hanging from the previous week.
- Ask each person to share what most impacted him or her in the reading assignment for that week. (Be sensitive to the possibility that one or another couple may need to share about a pressing need not necessarily related to the group assignment. If this happens with any regularity, extra meetings could planned in order to cover the topics of the module.)
- Whenever appropriate or helpful, divide into separate groups of men and women for sharing and prayer. Sometimes dividing into two couples will also be worthwhile, especially if the mentoring couple wants to deepen a conversation with one of the couples.
- Close with 15-20 minutes of serious intercession, usually dividing into the smaller groupings so that each person and couple can be prayed for.
Qualities of an effective mentor or group facilitator
- Experienced, having already participated in a group and learned from his/her mentor effective ways of supporting the group process.
- Models the attitudes he/she wishes to see demonstrated by group members, including care in preparing assignments. This also includes growing personally and in his own marriage and being willing to share this, as appropriate, with the group – Pv 25.11; James 1:25.
- Transparent, willing and able to speak openly about his own story and current challenges. Inspiring the group with confidence that they too can share more deeply. Pv 15.23.
- Faithful, someone who can be counted on, able to keep confidences (keep what is shared in the group within the group, or with the team leaders with the group member’s knowledge and permission).
- Teachable, wanting to grow, humble enough to receive correction or direction from other group members. Pv. 7.17.
- Asks good questions, stimulates productive discussion and helps people discover their own solutions. Creates an environment in which all may participate (without being forced). Pv 20:5.
- Listens, never dominating conversations, encouraging others to speak. Able to hear not only what is spoken, but also the unspoken feelings. James 1.19, 26.
- Respectful, understanding healthy boundaries, and helping the group to do the same. Does not permit anyone to dominate, dictate, be rude or invasive, or digress in an unhelpful manner. Respects each couple’s right to decide what they wish to share with the group.
- Spiritually discerning, sensitive to the direction of the Holy Spirit and able to help others do the same.
- Planning, coming to the meeting with a plan for the best use of time in the group, according to what is going on with each couple – Luke 14:28-30; Proverbs 16.1.
- Shepherding people outside the group meetings. Calls group members who are absent or at least makes sure someone in the group does.
The role of facilitator is NOT to:
- Judge – James 4:11-12, Luke 6:41-42.
- Give extensive counsel, principally in regard to something he himself is not doing.
- Talk to others about group members or anything they have shared. The exception to this would be with the team leader. The small groups should know that the circle of confidentiality extends to the resource couple (team leaders).
- Talk more than others in group meetings – James 1:19; Proverbs 12:18.
- Be ashamed to reveal his own weaknesses and problems – Proverbs 13:10; 12:1
- Act superior because of already having conquered a particular challenge in his marriage – Luke 18:10-14.
- Act as if he knows everything – Proverbs 12:15.
- Use the phrase “God told me” to impose his opinion on someone else, even if he does feel that the Spirit has shown him something. If his perspective is indeed from God, it will have the impact and effectiveness that God wishes in the life of the person(s) concerned -- 2 Peter 1:21.
- Use Scripture verses to judge or condemn or give simplistic responses to complex challenges. If someone in the group needs correction, he should follow the steps in Matthew 18:15-17, speaking with the person privately and seeking to resolve the problem first at that level.
- Treat someone in the group with prejudice or discrimination. Each person has his own timetable for growth and change. It is always worthwhile to invest time and patience in group members – Luke 16:15; 15:1-7.
- Stifle or block conflicts within the group. Rather, as far as possible, help the group to reach resolution of the conflict. If the group gets stuck, ask for help from the ministry team leader who is giving support to the group.
Return to the initial page on healthy marriages and families or see more about A Resource Couple for Small Group Mentors.
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