Marriages and Families

Suggestions for Developing a Marriage Ministry

Our vision for marriage ministry is based on three foundational practices:  mentoring, modules (semester-long), and modeling transparency.  Mentoring involves a mature couple that accompanies, supports, and encourages other couples in a small group context.  Semester-long modules allow time for couples to know each other well through joint study, sharing, and prayer.  Modeling transparency begins with the mentoring couple’s openness with their group and the opportunity for each couple to tell their story.  Ideally, the resource material used for the modules will also work with authors that share their own stories transparently.  (In Brazil, we use a book by David Kornfield in Portuguese which is built on these three qualities).

We recommend that the marriage ministry leadership team spend at least a semester developing these three qualities before beginning to minister to other couples.  The team leader normally mentors the other team couples with material designed for small groups to share about their marriages.  After this, team couples will then each lead mentoring groups, while team leader couple continues to primarily care for these leaders.  It may be helpful for the pastor and his wife or another wise and mature couple to play the role of mentors to the emerging ministry team in their initial group mentoring experience.

A ministry team that takes the time to begin by walking together through the first module before opening the ministry to others will deepen their own relationships and experience the benefits of mentoring in their own marriages.  In the course of that initial semester together, each couple on the team will invite three other couples to form a mentoring group under their leadership for the following semester.  This process may take some time, including time to pray, talk, and grow closer to the couples whom God is placing in each mentor couple’s hearts, and then seeing which of them responds to the invitation.  Should one of the couples not respond, no problem.  The Holy Spirit will bring together the right couples for each group and will confirm this in the hearts of those who are ready.

Our suggestions for developing this ministry fall into five areas:

1. How to form a marriage ministry team.  We indicate 14 steps for building this team or for preparing your existing team to develop this ministry model, including the initial team-building semester described above.
   
   
2. Developing a ministry vision and strategies.  One of the qualities of a high performance team is having a shared vision and plan.  This includes having a clear focus of the ministries’ target group. 
   
   
3. Implementing the project.  This section indicates how to structure the ministry practically, develop mentoring groups, and outlines four semester-long modules that can be repeated every two years with new couples.  We also explain how to incorporate other ministry models such as Married for Life (Marriage Ministries International) and Marriage Encounter weekend retreats, for people who are already working with these models and wish to continue.
   
   
4. Small group marriage mentors.  We outline characteristics of mentors and roles they should avoid. 
   
   
5. A resource couple for the mentors:  The ministry team leadership couple supports the other mentoring couples, rather than having their own small group.  In this way they continue the relationships and mentoring they began with the couples on the ministry team during the initial semester of meeting with them as a mentoring group.

Return to the initial page on healthy marriages and families or go to how to form a marriage ministry team.